


100 Incidents of Upset Dwarves and Hobbits

by onestepatatime



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Any combo is possible., Gen, You get to chose ideas and characters to use.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 01:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13044003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onestepatatime/pseuds/onestepatatime
Summary: Here are 100 ideas for what to do when one is sad or upset. I've started with #6 and a Bilbo/Thorin pairing. Readers are welcome to suggest a number with whatever dwarf/dwarves/elves/hobbits/whatever for a chapter. Stories can be canon, AU, or Modern Au. The only rule is that a number can only be used once. I'll be filling numbers randomly.





	1. 100 Ideas List

**Author's Note:**

> This list is taken directly from Gala Darling.  
> Source: http://galadarling.com/article/100-things-to-do-when-youre-upset-the-sad-trombone-list/
> 
> Legal Disclaimer: All copyrights belong to their respective owners. I make no profit from this project to cheer myself up.

  1. Do something good for someone else, even though you may not want to. Do a favor, help them find something, give them an item which will help them in some way. Start the flow of positive energy.
  2. Eat the best chocolate you can get your hands on. In bed. Or in the bath.
  3. Turn up music you really love. Play it so loudly that it soaks in through your skin. Dance in your pyjamas. Feel the pain lift.
  4. Have a romance in your head.
  5. Volunteer.
  6. ~~Buy a remote control starter for your car and dip your toes into the pool of narcissism.~~
  7. Call a friend & ask them if they want to have a slumber party.
  8. Throw yourself head-first into a creative project. Something that you’re excited about but which feels a little too big for you. You’ll be so consumed by it that it will fuel you for ages.
  9. Do the splits. Or at least try. (Be gentle though!)
  10. Sing. Loudly. Badly. Off-key. Whatever you like. It works. The last time I was on my way somewhere really nerve-wracking, I was in a cab. The radio was playing & I was so anxious that the only way I could distract myself was by singing along. Loudly. The driver probably thought I was a total nut but I didn’t care & it did the trick!
  11. Cover your entire body in cocoa butter & fall asleep.
  12. Drink 2 liters of fizzy drink (pop, soda, you know) & stay up until sunrise.
  13. Write a list of things that you appreciate right now, in the present moment. Focus on each of them & let the love inside you well up. Even when things appear to be going really, really badly, there are always things to be happy about. (That’s one of the reasons why we do Things I Love Thursday — to help bring your attention back to the positive.)
  14. Indulge in your “guilty pleasures”, whatever they are. (Old episodes of America’s Next Top Model, ginger ale, chocolate cake, romantic comedies, etc.)
  15. Send a text message to one of the most interesting people you know — maybe someone you don’t know that well, just to say hello.
  16. Order delivery food, just to bask in the glory of the fact that if you pay people, they will come to your door. With food. Warm, good food. What an age we live in, huh?
  17. Look through old photos. With a friend if possible. If it’s an old friend, you can reminisce (“Oh my god, do you remember when we did _that_?!”),  & if it’s a new friend, you can tell grand stories (“Well, let me tell you about _this_ guy…”).
  18. Listen to old Motown hits. Come up with dance moves. Wear something sparkly & work it out. (DJ Z-Trip’s Motown Breakdown is an excellent time, too.)
  19. Write a grueling personal entry for your blog dissecting every aspect of the situation which has upset you so much. Post it, don’t post it, whatever, just get it out of your system.
  20. Plan a holiday.
  21. Write a ridiculous online dating profile & marvel at the people who come out of the woodwork. (“Oh, a threesome with you & your wife in New Jersey? Sign me up!”)
  22. Spend an hour in your variety store of choice, set yourself a budget ($20?) & buy some junk. Lip treatments, candy, maybe an exfoliating scrub… Then go home & play with your new purchases. There’s a reason it’s called retail therapy, you know (though of course, it doesn’t last).
  23. Wear a fake moustach all day.
  24. Think up nicknames for all your friends, then send them each postcards to alert them.
  25. Think back on the last really good sex you had. Think about it for an hour. Then do something else.
  26. Go out for a milkshake.
  27. Appreciate the dinosaur bones at your favorite museum.
  28. Grab a friend, dress up like tourists & go & do all the really schlocky things on offer in your city. Take LOTS of photos, & be sure to flash the peace sign in 70% of them.
  29. Stick little crystals on something you use every day. (Wallet, light-switch, key-ring, boots?)
  30. Buy a new pair of sunglasses or non-prescription frames. It’s a super-easy (& often relatively cheap) way to evolve your look. Plus sunglasses make for excellent on-the-fly disguises.
  31. Go to a yoga class. Surrender & breathe deep.
  32. Put on your favorite pair of high heels & walk up & down your bedroom/hallway doing your best Miss J impersonation. Have a friend or neighbor who is willing to humor you offer critique. “Girl, you walk like a busted-down freight-train.”
  33. Write multiple lists of everything you want. Material possessions, relationships, work, lifestyle, everything. Pin them up by your door so you see them all the time.
  34. Go through Urban Dictionary & find some fun/ridiculous new words to add to your vocabulary.
  35. Make yourself the biggest ice-cream sundae you’ve ever seen. Decorate it with hot fudge sauce, whipped cream, sprinkles, nonpareils, whatever you like. Take a photo. Give it a name. Devour. Maybe without using your hands. Take a photo of that too.
  36. Get your eyebrows shaped.
  37. Spend an hour in a department store sniffing perfume samples. When you find something you like, spray it on a card & drop it in your purse.
  38. Try break-dancing.
  39. Watch videos of flamboyant, successful people like Elton John & marvel.
  40. Eat animal crackers.
  41. Drink through a straw all day. If you get your hands on a straw which matches your outfit, so much the better.
  42. Plan a party with a theme that makes you feel really, really happy.
  43. Write a letter to yourself in the future. Then hide it. Maybe in the pocket of a coat you never, ever wear.
  44. Leave the house wearing just fabulous lingerie underneath a coat. With heels. (Note: if you are a man you may get accused of being a flasher if you do this. The world is cruel sometimes.)
  45. Pull a Kid CuDi & announce your retirement from the world of something. Like cooking, or vocal communication. Announce your unretirement whenever you feel like it.
  46. Buy a harmonica & annoy the hell out of everyone while you learn how to play it.
  47. Go wig shopping.
  48. Choose a festival (SXSW? Burning Man? Coachella? Wave-Gotik-Treffen?) to go to, invite some friends, & start making plans.
  49. Add diamantes to your manicure.
  50. Hula hoop.
  51. Buy some really good art for your walls. Posters, prints, original artwork or other. If you’re feeling impoverished, go to the library, check out some art books, then take huge, great quality photocopies at a copy shop.
  52. Listen to _Never Better_ by P.O.S. from start to finish & revel in what a great album it really is.
  53. Load up your ipod & go for a walk through your favourite park.
  54. Visit a cool toy store & make your friend a surprise package.
  55. Reach out to the people who inspire you but who don’t know you exist.
  56. Write the birthdays of your personal heroes in your planner & work out a way to honour them on that day.
  57. Pie.
  58. Colour your hair. (You can always dye it back.)
  59. Notice where you hold tension in your body, & let it go.
  60. Visit some kind of religious institution & observe a service.
  61. Bake heart- or bunny-shaped cookies. Give them away.
  62. Be graceful.
  63. Be graceless.
  64. Make a video diary.
  65. Answer questions with questions.
  66. Try on a pair of really, really expensive shoes & act like you’ll be back tomorrow, but you’re just going to go home & think about it. (Bonus points: take a photo of you in them. Often you will need to be stealthy about this but it’s worth doing.)
  67. Record yourself trying to recite the alphabet while vigorously brushing your teeth.
  68. Flirt with entirely inappropriate people.
  69. Sing into your friend’s answering machine or voicemail.
  70. Pour pancakes in the shape of your initials. Eat them while watching aerobics on television.
  71. Make friends with your neighbors.
  72. Think about how great it would be to name a shaggy dog “Toupee”.
  73. Go to an audition just for the experience.
  74. Tell someone cute, “You’re cute”.
  75. Sit in a sauna with a stack of fashion magazines & sweat it out.
  76. Find a secret place with a great view. Like a tree, or a rooftop, or a hill.
  77. Go & see a musical (or just rent one).
  78. Be optimistic.
  79. Buy ridiculous slippers.
  80. Make a list of the things you want to do to celebrate the upcoming season.
  81. Lie down in the sunshine.
  82. Pretend to be a dancer in a music video as you perform mundane tasks. Jiggle your way from the bathroom to the kitchen, shake it while you wait for your toast to pop, booty bump while you pick an outfit.
  83. Go to an aquarium & take photos of the jellyfish.
  84. Watch movies you used to love as a child.
  85. Book a karaoke room with friends & sing your heart out.
  86. Make a list of practical, actionable ways you can improve your situation.
  87. Start keeping a dream journal & write down their supposed meanings.
  88. See if you can develop an appreciation for a band or a style of music you’ve never liked before.
  89. Write a play.
  90. Go to vintage stores looking for fabulous old typewriters.
  91. Write the stuff you like about your body _on_ your body with a marker.
  92. Change your ring-tone to the sound of one of your friends laughing hysterically.
  93. Watch videos of Robin Williams or Eddie Murphy.
  94. Listen to Divine Harvest by The Mae Shi. _Don’t be worried, everything will turn out fine. Don’t be worried, friend just put your hand in mine._
  95. Take a nap with your head at the other end of the bed.
  96. Walk around a garden centre & buy a colourful plant. Give it a name.
  97. Go somewhere that people walk their dogs & make friends with some fluffy creatures.
  98. Hug your friends.
  99. Tell someone everything.
  100. Believe that everything is always getting better.




	2. #6 Bilbo/Thorin - Why Hobbits Hate Technology and Mirrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> # 6 Buy a remote control starter for your car & dip your toes into the pool of narcissism.  
> Modern times with dwarves and hobbits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Source for idea list: Gala Darling.  
> http://galadarling.com/article/100-things-to-do-when-youre-upset-the-sad-trombone-list/

“What is this?” Bilbo eyed Thorin warily when the dwarf handed a set of supposedly his car keys. 

He had trusted the dwarf to be careful with his car when Thorin’s own car had ‘unexpectedly’ needed to be in the shop for repairs. Though, Bilbo would never see the word ‘car” as an apt description of the ridiculously huge metallic blue H2 Hummer, with “H2 Hummer in black pinstripe letters no less. Bilbo much preferred his sensibly sized car. It might be small by dwarven standards, but he was proud of his environmentally responsible electric Smart ForTwo. It was a pretty emerald green and was even a convertible, sort of. 

“Your car keys.” Thorin was trying much too hard look innocent. 

“The fob on my keychain was a silicone image of the earth.” It was bad enough that the car key had door locks and an alarm on it. Now the key ring had a suspicious black blob attached to it. 

“You got me a remote starter, didn’t you?” Bilbo glared. 

Thorin gave a weak smile and shrugged. “Yes.” 

“Why?” It had taken months of searching for the Company to find a car that fit Bilbo’s exacting standards for a responsible car. He had only relented in getting a car when Dori had pointed out that cabs ran on gas and Bofur pointed out that Bilbo could take Frodo to his baby well check appointments to keep his parents from having to leave work. 

“I just wanted the best for you.” Thorin had been horrified at Bilbo’s idea of a proper car. It came with a nice stereo, but the engine wouldn’t exactly warm up the car in winter. He’d had nightmares of finding a frozen hobbit in a parking lot somewhere. 

“You can start the engine and let the car warm up before going outside.” Thorin gestured out Bilbo’s living room window where a few early snowflakes were dancing with the last few leaves of autumn in their descent to the ground. 

“Thorin, modifying a car’s ignition is strongly advised against in the owner’s manual. Did you even take it to the dealer to have the work done? It can void the warranty.” Bilbo had spent two days reading the thing, after the dealer had shown him every feature, before he would drive his car. 

“What if Frodo is ill? Wouldn’t you like to take him out to a toasty warm car to go to the doctor’s office?” Thorin herded Bilbo through the hallway to the nursery where Frodo stayed when Bilbo watched him. He held up a red and white toy cow holding a mirror. 

“You deserve some nicities to help you in life, Bilbo. Let me do this for you.” Thorin made Bilbo look at his own reflection. “You are no good to Frodo or anyone if you don’t help yourself first.” 

“Show me this starter thingy then. It’s already on the car.” Bilbo sigh. He also couldn’t afford to have the car in the shop this week. He had promised Ori a ride to Dwalin’s latest idea in self defense class. 

“You’re going to love it!” Thorin grinned as he again propelled Bilbo out to the living room. “Give it a try.” 

“You go first.” Bilbo crossed his arms with a frown. 

“Tada!” Thorin pointed the remote at the car and pushed a button with a flourish.” 

KABOOM! The car, Bilbo’s brand new/barely driven/lovingly washed, vacuumed and waxed every Saturday car transformed into a fiery inferno. 

“Keys.” Bilbo calmly held his hand up to the shocked Thorin. 

“What? We need to call the fire department.” 

“Your keys, please.” Bilbo glared until Thorin handed him a set with a gold coin as a fob. 

“I won’t be needing this.” Bilbo unwound the black car starter and threw it in the trash. 

“Bilbo, I need my car.” Thorin’s brain was beginning to work again. 

“I need to go car shopping. You need to call the fire department and clean up this mess.” Bilbo gestured outside as he put on his coat. 

“But I…How are you even going to fit?” 

“You can download one of those car ride hiring apps. Uber or something? Not my problem.” 

Thorin could only watch in shock as firemen drowned the remains of Bilbo’s car and said hobbit drove away in his H2, tires peeling with a loud squeal.   

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't paste pictures on my new computer, so here are the links to pictures:
> 
> Smart fortwo picture: https://www.netcarshow.com/smart/2017-fortwo_cabrio_electric_drive/
> 
> H2 Hummer picture: http://forgiato.com/photos/car-photos/hummer/h2/hummer-h2-blue-luminoso-attivo-l-1-7232014.jpg


End file.
